Throughout our lives we face numerous changes. Some of then are common to all of us, and we can easily locate them according to our age. For example, when we are children, all of us pass through the stage of growing teeth, and when we are adolescents, all of us face the physical changes typical of puberty.
Physical changes are the easiest to identify and observe in ourselves and in others whom we encounter on a daily basis.
Without a doubt, there are other changes, psychosocial ones, that despite being normal at various points in our lives, can become crises if we don’t have the adequate resources to manage them or if they occur at atypical stages in our lives.
What are the changes of the life cycle?
Beginning to study
Es cierto que estudiar en el colegio o en el instituto es algo que está muy normalizado y quizá no genere tanta confusión o desconcierto. Normalmente, cuando somos niños y asistimos al colegio es porque nos lo han impuesto, sabemos que hay que hacerlo y no hay lugar a dudas. Sin embargo, decidir estudiar algo relacionado con el futuro laboral que quieres desempeñar supone un punto de inflexión en la vida que puede generar cierto estrés.
It is certain that studying in high school is something very normal, and it maybe doesn’t generate much confusion. Normally, when we are teenagers and attend high school, it is simply because attendance is obligatory; we know that we have to go to school, so we go to school. Thereafter, when we have to decide either to pursue technical jobs or to attend college, we reach a turning point in our lives that can cause a certain amount of stress.
There are people who very clearly know the profession that they want to enter, who know what they like and what they have always liked, and who have spent their entire academic lives preparing themselves for this moment. However, there are others who need more time to decide how to spend their working careers, and even though they remember how they used to respond when they were asked, “And you, what do you want to be when you grow up?“, now they don’t know how to answer.
Staying calm, putting all of your options on the table, and weighing the pros and cons of each choice can all be helpful. And if, once you have completed this process, you reach a fork in the road, we recommend that you always the option that you will find more personally fulfilling.
Be independent; leave your childhood home
Maybe you had to move to a new city to pursue your collegiate education, or maybe you decided to leave home to work in another country and learn in a foreign language. Whatever the case may be, leaving the nest isn’t easy.
When we leave home, we have to face the real world, and our preexisting notions of the world collide with different realities. We begin to see that every average Joe has had his own diverse set of experiences and that each family has a very different concept of what is “normal.”
Aside from adapting your point of view, relativize everything that you have learned and broaden your horizons! You have to grow and develop on your own. Yes, we know that between studying, cooking, cleaning, maintaining a social life, caring for yourself, and shopping, you have lots of responsibilities. We also know that sometimes, you will feel like you can’t manage everything. Finding your rhythm and distinguishing your needs from your wants will take some time, but if you stay organized, establish your priorities, and ask for help when you need it, things will fall into place.
Begin a romantic relationship and compromise
Even though love seems so easy in the movies, being in a relationship isn’t easy, especially if it is the first time that you find yourself in that situation. Beginning a romantic relationship isn’t so difficult; the hard part comes in cultivating a relationship that is balanced and healthy. The relationship shouldn’t consume 100% of your life; no one partner in the relationship should have all of the control. Relationships come with a lot of strings attached, but no relationship requires forgetting oneself or one’s health on a biopsychosocial level.
Begin to work
Depending on your circumstances, you might have reached this moment earlier or later. No matter what, it is a change in your life. The work environment can be a source of stress and anxiety if one doesn’t manage it well. Taking into account that you have to contribute to the workplace both your knowledge and a positive, open-minded attitude can help you, but don’t forget you are human, and humans make mistakes. Caring for your relationships with your coworkers is very important for the optimal development of your professional career. If you feel like the workplace is uncomfortable and will remain so, don’t think twice about changing it.
When the changes don’t happen “on time”
What happens if I still don’t have kids? Do I have to have a partner? And what if I still don’t work where I want?
There are many other previously-unmentioned changes that can generate crises throughout the life cycle. Welcoming a baby into the family, for example, is a huge change for the parents and the rest of the family. With a change of this magnitude, it is necessary to undergo a steady process of adaptation to integrate the new situation into one’s life. This isn’t a taboo theme; we are probably pretty accustomed to talking about it, but there are other topics that we find more difficult to discuss.
I want to be a parent, but I don’t know when.
The issue grows more complicated when we know that we want to be parents, but we don’t know when we want to be parents. Maybe you haven’t found a stable partner with whom to share the burden, maybe you haven’t successfully managed to get pregnant yet, or maybe now isn’t the right time from a financial perspective.
Whatever the case may be, this is an important theme that deserves attention. Worrying about these questions is natural, as is sharing your concerns. Don’t hesitate to talk about it; don’t hesitate to search for the solution that will help you achieve your goal. Maybe you haven’t considered being a single mother, but maybe now is the time to consider that idea. Maybe your current partner is completed closed to the idea of having kids, and you have to make a decision. Often in these situations, we find ourselves anchored to the idea that we had about how the process would be, with whom it would happen, and what our socioeconomic circumstances would be.
Confronting the reality of the situation can be difficult. Modifying our thinking about this topic can be hard work, but it will be worth the effort if the topic ceases to cause you discomfort.
I’m still single, and all of my friends are married.
It could be that you have arrived at the marvelous point in your life at which point all of your friends and acquaintances are getting married. It could be that aside from suffering from the loss of money that accompanies each wedding, you are becoming wrapped up in a cloud of unpleasant feelings. It’s so easy to lose yourself in dreaming about the moment when you’ll finally get to say “I do,” but why hasn’t the time arrived?
These cultural rituals are inherent to our society. In movies and in books, we have adopted the idea that it is absolutely necessary to get married, and that until we do that, we remain incomplete. Don’t succumb to unnecessary pressures. Enjoy the moment that you are experiencing; maybe it wasn’t what you expected, or maybe you’d like to be accompanied by a partner, but that shouldn’t cloud out the positive side of being single. Concentrating on what you don’t have, on the items on your lifelong to-do list that you haven’t yet checked off, can be really frustrating and anxiety-inducing. In a mental state like that, establishing a stable relationship becomes even more difficult.
I feel like my life has stagnated
If, lastly, you have the sensation that all of these life changes happened long ago or that you’d love to have to confront the aforementioned complicated situations, it would be best for you to adopt another point of view.
Like we mentioned before, these changes don’t follow as close a schedule as the physical changes that everyone experiences during the constant process of development and evolution. Maybe your life doesn’t follow the established pathways; maybe you experience other changes. Even if your changes come less frequently, that doesn’t make them less interesting or enriching. If you feel like your life is too stable, try to implement some of these proposals.
How to manage the absence of these “changes”
Dedicate a time for self-reflection
Self-reflection might seem too abstract, or the idea might even bore you. Maybe you think you already know everything about yourself. Self-reflection doesn’t have to be a tedious process. Adopting a new attitude and observing your life as if it were the first time that you were living your daily routine can help you to learn a lot about yourself. What do you like? What thoughts pass through your head? What do you want, and what haven’t you done? Those questions might seem crazy, or simple, or pointless, but you can benefit from exploring them.
Spend time alone
Try to think about solitude not as a punishment, but as a privilege. Take advantage of the moments when you find yourself alone to do what you want, things that you enjoy and to which you don’t dedicate much time. Maybe you could do a whole bunch of cooking, pack yourself some Tupperwares for the coming week, and then join a cooking class. Think about it … you could just by chance discover something that you really enjoy.
Travel
It doesn’t matter if you go to the next continent or the next town. Taking the bus can make you depart from your normal routine. The experience of traveling opens many doors for you and helps you meet new people; you could meet people who approach you from other points of view, who give you new ideas that you hadn’t consider. Or, just maybe, you will have spent an enjoyable afternoon or week in a location that you hadn’t previously explored. Whatever the case may be, traveling is an easy way of generating small changes in yourself, and who knows? From a small change might arise something much bigger.
Hayas experimentado crisis o no, vivir un cambio vital puede dar miedo y puede generar confusión. No has perdido el juicio ni eres un bicho raro. Cada persona tiene sus tiempos para digerir y procesar los cambios a los que se enfrenta o para generar los que busca. No desesperes, al fin y al cabo, todos pasamos por algo similar.
Whether or not you’ve experienced a crisis, experiencing a life change can cause fear and confusion. You haven’t gone crazy. . Every person needs time to process the changes that s/he has undergone. Don’t despair; at the end of the day, we all go through similar things.
