A high self-esteem is fostered through thoughts that promote a healthy well-being. It is easy to fall in a downward spiral when self-sabotaging ideas and feelings affect our mind, body, and spirit.
We will focus on 5 examples of thoughts that affect our mental health. You may identify with one of them.
That person isn’t going to like me.
This is the typical situation in which we like someone and are enamored by them. You want to speak to them, but are unable to start a conversation because you are paralyzed with thoughts such as: “I am not going to talk to that person, it is useless, someone like that is not going to like someone like me.”
This is like saying: “That person is too good looking, intelligent or successful to like someone so uninspiring as me”. This a mistake. Some people believe that good looking people only fall in love and are attracted to each other, but who belongs in that category?
Don’t believe such strange ideas. There is no doubt that there are people who focus on looks. However, most people are captivated by someone unique who doesn’t fit the traditional standards of beauty or physique.
Talk to that person. The worst thing that can happen is that you find out that they don’t like you. Is that a big deal? Not at all. You won’t reach the top of the mountain if you don’t take the first step!
Those clothes are amazing, but they won’t look good on me
Believe it or not, there are people who don’t pay much attention to what one wears, even if they know that being well-dressed can make a good impression.
Some people look amazing wearing any type of clothing. There are also certain types of clothes, colors, accessories, etc. that make us look better, while some, can work against our body type.
We usually tend to go for what is easy, plain, and standard. In doing that, we are not making a statement, rather ensuring that what we are wearing makes us look normal. Suddenly we are suggested to break that mold by trying new types of clothes or bolder prints and are overcome by self-sabotaging thoughts before trying something new: “Impossible, I would love it, but that doesn’t look good on me.”
Try it on! Don’t take it too seriously. Give yourself the opportunity of changing your style and be bold by trying something more modern or new. Be adventurous and try to wear something different. You will be surprised by the new looks.
I am incapable of learning that
Making ravioli? Trying the climbing wall? Working on Excel? Driving a motorbike? Speaking French? That is not for me. I am unable to learn that. These are examples of self-sabotaging that pass through our minds when we are faced with certain challenges.
“Even if I lived forever, I would not be able to learn that.” That might be true. You might be one of the people that doesn’t have amazing language skills or you might put others in dangerous situations if you are assembling a new dining table. Maybe you consider that learning how to use a computer goes beyond your abilities. Well, it is clear that nobody knows how to do everything perfectly. Some people are more skilled in science, while others are skilled in arts.
Just remember that all humans have the ability to learn new things, even if they seem that they are beyond our limits. History is full of people who have exceeded limits, who have ended up achieving the unimaginable, who have done completely the opposite of what everyone thought they were destined to do.
We are not talking about swimming across the Atlantic or discovering an antibiotic against a strain of resistant bacteria. We are talking about small and large everyday feats that have been part of your life. There are certain challenges that are impossible, but there are others in which you can discover a new talent if you put your heart and soul into it.
This is just the way it is…
I do not like how we celebrate Christmas at home, but things have always been like this. Nor the house where I live, but it is what it is. I do not like how my roommates and I organize the house cleaning and buying duties, but there is nothing I can do about it.
What can you do about it? You can do whatever you set your mind to! “Things have been organized like this” is only an expression. It makes perfect sense in the colloquial language, but in reality, it separates us from the facts and diminishes our responsibilities.
Remember that “things” are not loose creatures that go around “organizing” themselves. We are responsible for organizing them. While we can organize things, we can also change them if we don’t like the way they are.
When Moses came down from Sinai with the Tablets of Stone of the Ten Commandments there was no 11th command saying: “Christmas will always be like this. You will always live in this house, you will always work in this job, you will never have vacations when you want, and you will always live with terrible people. Furthermore, you can never learn to cook.”
The good news is that neither the divine law, the natural law, or any constitution establish such terms. You are the one who has the power to choose. Remember that many of the things you don’t like about your life are not organized in a certain way, someone has organized them. This means they can be reorganized as long as those involved are willing to change them.
I am never going to change
Maybe that sounds like a famous song or a self-affirming hymn celebrating the type of person that you are. What you shouldn’t do is think: “The problem is not that I don’t want to change. I cannot change.” You cannot stop time, prevent gray hair or change your eye color. We are a living, dynamic beings, experiencing constant change.
You are a person with many talents even if you or other people don’t see them. Understand that some of them are hidden, waiting to help you enjoy life, grow and shine. There is only one way to check if you have them or not and that is by trying. You’ll never change? Hopefully that phrase is just part of the lyrics of a song.
