Sharing a living space can be a great experience whether it be with family, roommates, or a romantic partner. Challenges are inevitable, regardless of how ideal your living situation seems at first. You’ll most likely encounter new behaviors, schedules, and comfort zones when sharing a living space. How are you supposed to choose which differences to live with and which to confront? How can you confront the person in a respectful and understanding manner?
Be curious, not judgmental. The way we live is mainly influenced by our upbringing and personality. During a conversation you should focus on keeping an open mind and showing curiosity not judgement. Asking questions instead of assuming answers shows that you want to understand the person’s lifestyle. Why do you sleep with a fan on at night? Why do you leave your plates in the sink instead of putting them in the dishwasher? Why do you take showers very early in the morning? If you structure your questions in a respectful manner and listen closely to the person’s responses, you can have a mature conversation. Hopefully, this leads to compromise instead of a dead end.
Avoid projecting your bad mood or negative energy on the person you live with.
This is always easier said than done. Self-awareness is very important for any healthy relationship, and this does not exclude the relationship with the person whom you live with. Home is a place to decompress after a long day, but be aware that after having a particularly bad day you could be feeling more irritable or frustrated. We create more problems for ourselves when releasing our personal frustrations on the person with whom we live. If this kind of argument does occur, the two of you should take some time apart to cool down before working through the problem.
Below are some distinct examples of struggles and solutions that can arise when living with someone else.
Common struggles with new roommates
Living with a roommate is a great way to explore different comfort zones and lifestyles. You’ll probably discover new styles of music, new styles of clothing, or even secret recipes. When living with a roommate who isn’t apart of your family nor a romantic partner, it’s possible the two of you won’t feel obligated to work through problems together. Maybe your roommate is only an acquaintance, so you both live a reserved lifestyle because neither of you want to upset the other person. It’s important that you both express your honest feelings, so you can maintain a happy and healthy environment where everyone feels comfortable. Don’t be afraid to share personal strengths and weaknesses with one another. If you find yourself disagreeing with aspects of your roommate’s lifestyle, think about ways you all can compromise and work through it together.
Common struggles with family
In a family, we can love each other with unconditional positive regard and total acceptance, but we can also frustrate each other to wits end. Of all of the types of living situations, family members are sometimes the most frustrating, because the level of comfort allows you to act, feel and experience things in a raw and unfiltered way. In short, it’s easy to release our frustrations onto our family. An important part of dealing with our feelings and emotions is releasing them, but if we constantly use our families as an outlet we risk damaging not only the relationship but the comfort in our home. If you find this sort of behavior is a pattern in your household, perhaps working with a psychologist could help you change the dynamic.
Common struggles with romantic partners
An intimate step to any romantic relationship is sharing a living space with one another because it means that you are both ready to explore a whole different side of each other. It’s important to remember, however, that while this step is exciting, it’s not going to be easy. Living with a romantic partner comes with the struggle of seeing one another in a more vulnerable state. At first, there may be anxiety, stress and fear of disappointing the other person in this state.
Additionally, you may discover clashing personality traits that weren’t obvious before. This discovery may be frustrating, but it is also important for the development of the relationship. You and your partner can overcome these differences by talking and listening to one another, and ultimately, your relationship will be strengthened from this.
Learn from these struggles. Think of the challenges you experience as an opportunity to learn about yourself and others. We live in a social world, and the more experiences we have compromising with people, the better equipped we are to handle other social interactions in the world.
