If we make ourselves think about what it means to stop being young, we are all going to have something different cross our minds. When I had to give up my student discounts and pay more for everything. When I had to drive myself to work. When I got called “Mrs.” Or when I preferred staying home and watching a movie to going to parties every weekend night.
Whatever the case may be, all of us have that moment when we think, “Okay, I never used to do that … Am I getting old?”
Our reactions are diverse; some of us aren’t negatively affected by getting older, some of us continue doing the same things that we did 10 years ago, but others of us are terrified by the idea of the passage of time.
Are young people those who don’t change?
Continuing to have the same hobbies that you had years ago doesn’t mean that you haven’t evolved in other respects. Getting older isn’t always linked to changing your tastes.
Nowadays, the concept of being young or of youth is increasingly broader and more flexible. You’ve probably heard that “30 is the new 20,” which is equally applicable to 50 and 40. The most recent generations, the so-called millennials, have established a change in how we understand being young.
Now, if you’re 20 or 35, you don’t have to be married. You don’t have to have a house, kids, a dog, a mortgage. Missing some (or all!) of these elements doesn’t make you more immature; just because you don’t have children doesn’t automatically put you back in diapers.
Thinking “Because I haven’t achieved my objectives, I’m insufficient” is a really limiting belief that will also give you a very negative image of your childhood. For that reason, it is important to make yourself aware of that type of conclusion so that you can readjust your way of considering your current circumstances. Certainly, making the change to consider yourself more kindly will lighten the load of the judgments that you make about yourself.
Comparing the childhoods of today with those of our parents and seeing that we have fewer material goods than they had or even that we haven’t formed families as tight can make us feel delayed or “slow.” This comparison can generate frustration and unease. We are accustomed to associating well-being or stability in life with the accumulation of achievements and possessions. It seems like having a house and a car makes you privileged, and by the same token, not having them seems to make you immature. With partners, something similar happens: if you have a stable partner, you have settled down; if not, you’re essentially still an angsty teenager. We have to realize that this isn’t the case! You don’t burst out in pimples just because you don’t have a partner; with or without a partner, you are a mature person deserving of respect.
Apart from all of this is the capacity to identify in whatever moment what your real needs are. Now, you’re probably still sharing an apartment, working at a job that doesn’t pay you enough to buy a house, and going out to buy beers with a handful of friends who find themselves in the same situation. You aren’t immature, and you don’t have less value than people who reached certain “typical” milestones at your age; you’re just living in a different social moment. What is more, it is very possible that your goals in life just follow a different path.
Remember that well-being and health don’t depend solely on one area; one has to attend to and care for all aspects of one’s person. Having economic resources is important, but so is establishing a good group of friends and feeling satisfied with one’s personal progress. Not all that glitters is gold.
Getting old makes me scared
Confronting life changes isn’t easy; maybe one of the most nerve-wracking changes is aging. The idea of leaving behind our youth, of ceasing to be “young”, terrifies us.
Seeing the changes that life throws at you is something that definitely attracts your attention. Maybe you are the last person in your group of friends who still wants to go to parties; maybe your friends aren’t as easily excitable as they used to be, so now you spend the weekends at home or going on walks, which doesn’t entertain you.
Change is the only constant in our lives, but adapting to change doesn’t mean changing who you are. If you are an active person who enjoys the company of other people, you don’t have to stop doing that; maybe you just have to find new things (or new people) that keep you entertained.
Without a doubt, the scariest changes are physical. You feel that the changes that your body experiences as you age mean that your youthfulness is escaping. You feel like you have to hurry, or you won’t be able to do the things you used to do.
Don’t fret; growing older will lead to physical changes, but your life doesn’t end at 40 (much less at 30)!
Accepting our physique is a complicated issue, as much when we’re young as when we’re older. Learning to love yourself how are you, virtues and shortcomings included, takes practice, and there isn’t one right way of managing it. The idea of what a person should be needs to be flexible; you can be successful and have a meaningful life is any number of ways.
How do I change the way I think?
Observe the people you have around you; every person is different. Travel, don’t fear opening your mind to encounter new experiences and cultures. You could expose yourself to many new points of view. Talk and liberate yourself from your insecurities; if we get accustomed to sharing our feelings with the people who surround us, we will realize that we share similar fears and desires. Our similarity is a source of relief.
And if at this point in your life, you feel more confused than you’d like to be, don’t worry. Dedicating some time to the process of self-reflection and reestablishing the goals that you want to achieve, particularly with the help of a psychologist, can help you to overcome the obstacles that are present in your life. Encourage yourself to dust off the resources that right now you don’t remember that you have, and take advantage of them! Your age doesn’t have to slow you down, no matter how old you are.
